This memorial website was created in the memory of our  sweet little angel baby, Elijah


 Here is our story :
After never thinking I would EVER get pregnant, I found out on November 30th I was having a baby.



I can never remember ever being so excited in my entire life , other then the day when I married my wonderful husband. As funny as it sounds, I took so much joy in getting fatter and fatter every week. I  totally enjoyed my doctors appointments every 4 weeks. Wishing they were only 1 week apart. 
My husband and I went in for  my 20 week sonogram , and came out BEAMING!


It's a boy (my husband already knew that)  His heart beat was super strong ( I was told all the time by the doctors he was eating his wheaties )  He was coming along wonderful.It was settled, Elijah Logan Merritt, was on his way.

Then came the worse....

22WKS
April 5th 2005, my world came crashing down.
It was a usual day , my first of two off from work. I was just settling down   in my bed to watch T.V. when it started. It started out as a feeling of pressure in my  tummy. Thinking I must have to use the restroom, I went in, and nothing happened. So I went back to the bedroom, then the sharp pains started.......most of the rest is still a blur.....I remember getting to the hospital about 5pm, and being told at about 7 o' clock, that I was going to loose my son. I found out since I've got an Incompetent Cervix(which means in a basic terms, that my cervix wasnt strong enough to  hold the weight of the baby,and opened prematurly.) So, I went though the whole "normal" deliverly , the epidural, everything, and prayed the whole time.  Elijah came into this world @ 12:02am , April 6th 2005. He was 1 lb. and .02 oz, and was 11 inches long. My son stayed alive (he never took a breath, but his heart beat) for about an hour. It's so amazing how you can fall in love with someone you've never met,but dreamed of for your whole life,  but knowing in the same train of thought that you have to plan his whole life in an hour,and  prepare yourself to say good bye.

You are my sunshine
My little sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are gray.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away

The other night, dear, 
While I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear,
I was mistaken
So I hung my head and cried. 

I just held him so tight, praying he would some how just start breathing. Hoping that every time he started to gasp it would trigger something in him to  just start breathing. I beamed through all my tears as my family held him, and just bragged , on how this was the cutest baby.. I didnt want it to end this way. I just sat there and stared at this beautiful child , we  had made out of 100% true love, and couldnt believe my eyes. He was so perfect.  If only God had seen fit,  for him to live. 


Our pastor made it in time for Elijah to be dedicated to the Lord. That was a moment I dont think, I will or even could ever forget. I was so proud. Not only of him, but in myself. In the middle of my world crashing down around me, I gave my child to the Lord.



I kinda felt like it was my way of telling God , " I'm not mad at you, but I dont understand."     It's getting a little(when I say little I mean micro) bit easier , everyday, but I dont know if I'll ever heal.



We buried our child April 13th , 2005. On a beautiful sunny day. After the service, we let balloons go. As we watched them float into the sky,  My sister leaned in to me and whispered," Look Jen....Elijah grabbed all his balloons,and is taking them to heaven with him".....Thats where my lil' guy  sits, on Jesus's lap in heaven , watching over his daddy and I everyday. 


Everyday since the day my son was escorted by angels to be with Jesus, I've seen a little white butterfly. I think its His way of saying, " Everything  will be ok, Mommy, you will see....."



Death of a Child
by Sandy Eakle

Sorry I didn't get to stay.
To laugh and run and play.
To be there by your side.
I'm sorry that I had to die.

God sent me down to be with you,
to make your loving heart anew.
To help you look up and see
Both God and little me.

Mommy, I wish I could stay.
Just like I heard you pray.
But, all the angels did cry
when they told little me goodbye.

God didn't take me cause He's mad.
He didn't send me to make you sad.
But to give us both a chance to be
a love so precious .. don't you see?

Up here no trouble do I see
and the pretty angels sing to me.
The streets of gold is where I play
you'll come here too, mommy, someday.

Until the day you join me here,
I'll love you mommy, dear.
Each breeze you feel and see,
brings love and a kiss from me.



Graphics Courtesy of: 


http://home.att.net/~scorh/